You’re a guy. You go out with a few pals for a couple of beers. You get talking to a girl. You get on. The pair of you dance. You end up going back to yours with her. She’s a lot of fun. Things gets hot and heavy. Before you know it, the two of you are taking the, er, ‘dirt path home’. Hey, you’re two consenting adults.
You wake up in the morning, head banging. You remember the night before. Crazy stuff… Wait – what’s that smell? And where’s the girl? You turn to your side. She’s gone. And that stench? URGH. Christ, is it… Is it sh*t?! It is! It’s sh*t. And it’s EVERYWHERE.
MAN. You’ve only gone and crapped the bed with a girl in and she’s fled in horror. You check your underwear. Clean. But the bed is COVERED in poop. Did she??? Was it her?!
This really is a charming story of young love, isn’t it?
That certainly is a problem. A big stinky brown problem. You see, what’s happened here is you’ve voluntarily let someone sleep in your bed and helped create a vacuum situation with their rectum. And it’s quite literally backfired. Oh dear.
Get a sharp knife and get cutting. And scrubbing. And throwing out. And flipping the mattress. Et voila! The sh*t’s gone and the stink’s gone. Mostly. Good work!
Just don’t invite her back, eh?!